From Dispatches From The Culture Wars:
Lord (may I call you Yahweh?)-
Look, I know we don’t talk very often, what with me not believing in you and all. If you’ll check your records, I’m sure they will show that I don’t ask for your help when my loved ones are sick or when my favorite team needs a victory the way so many selfish human beings do. I save my pleas for help for the really important things, and I assure you that this is one of them.
I don’t care if you never do anything for me ever again, but I implore you…if you truly love me as it says in scripture, please, please, please call Michele Bachmann to run for president. I can’t imagine anything that would cause as much joy and amusement in my life than watching that batshit insane gorgon humiliate herself on a national stage on a daily basis for months on end.
And all it takes is one call from you. I’ll pay the long distance charges if you’re short of cash. Whatever it takes. You already “called” Pat Robertson to do the same thing and look at the joy that gave me? If you really love me, you can make this happen.
In Gordon Klingenschmitt’s name,
Amen.
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